Combating the Combat Zone's Bullshit

Read the original article here, in which an imaginary situation was fabricated in order to poke fun at student groups like Students for a Democratic Society, the Black Student Union, and Students for a Sustainable Campus. This was a little response I wrote. It's in a style that closely resembles their own.

...Once the coast was clear, The Trail's staff emerged from their hiding places checking to see whether their golf shoes were still white.

"I don't understand why people just can't sit down and watch Comedy Central like the rest of us," one freshman writer said gingerly.

"I was raised to respect authority," piped a freckled boy wearing Abercrombie & Fitch, his head hiding in a Rambo comic book.

"Don't they have jobs!" screamed the sports columnists in unison, their little mugs flushed with challenge.

"Racism, war, environmentalism... all those things aren't problems anymore." said the senior editor assuringly. "Protests don't solve anything. Good journalism does. I want all of you to write stories that tell it like it is."

"Yeah!" the club agreed. "They don't belong in our school. They never did! No one - not even the press - picks up on their stupid little issues anyway."

Sauntering off to the media house together, they worked up some irregular verbs and exchanged more hotheaded invectives for the next week's edition.

Somebody made a comment on their website that they liked my addendum better than the original article. Ha! Thank you, fans!